Happy Sad

Yesterday, social media exploded with happy posts celebrating the SCOTUS decision to legalize same-sex marriage. Many of my friends were thrilled with the decision, as they should be — it’s a fantastic thing that was long overdue. Naturally, I was happy about it too, but since I’m incredibly self absorbed, I couldn’t be as happy as I should have.

Yesterday was the first day this week that I saw someone other than Asika. Paul and I caught Ted 2 for review. Paul has a calming and comfortable presence, but I was still nervous about seeing him. I’ve known Paul for a long, long time, but I don’t really know him; I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation about hopes, dreams, and stuff like that. I didn’t tell him that Asika and I would no longer be spending time together; I’m not really sure why I didn’t. I was also nervous about randomly crying while we were out. Thankfully, I only had one crying spell and it was during the movie (thank you darkness!). I enjoyed Ted 2, but as I was watching it, there were several times that I wished Asika was next to me. I’ve always loved hearing her laugh and there were several scenes that would have cracked her up.

For the last couple of years, weekends have usually meant vaping events. I’ve turned down work at a couple of them and have ignored invites for a few more. I just don’t want to see many people right now and it would be embarrassing to start crying at a vape event. I especially don’t want to see couples, whether I know them or not. On my daily walks, I get angry and bitter and sad whenever I see a couple holding hands or being cute together. I want them all to be obliterated by a laser defense system.

Hmmmm, wouldn’t it be funny if I were hosting a vaping event and had a meltdown on the microphone? It would be like Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer. Yeah, maybe I better not host anything for a while. A public breakdown would be bad for the brand.

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