Oops

Wow, it’s been a while.

For the last month I’ve been keeping my mind occupied with Pokemon. I’ve spent more than 220 hours on the game. It’s been a great distraction from job stuff and missing Noot. Thankfully, I found a way to monetize my habit. It’s weird writing a column in the third person. In many ways, it just doesn’t work…but I’ll play by the rules to get money in my bank account.

Noot’s v*i*s*a app should arrive in the government’s hands tomorrow. It’ll mean a lot of tense waiting and more paperwork to file, but hopefully I’ll be able to bring her back here by the end of the year. I wish I found this site a long time ago. It’s nice to have the whole process mapped out, but it’s kind of daunting to look at too. There are times when I’m all, “Okay, let’s do this thing!” There are other times when the flow chart makes me want to cry. I just wish we could be together now.

The job stuff has been up and down too. The cool opp in New York got pushed off for several months (at the least) and the magazine opp got pushed off until (probably) next year. There’s a fun opportunity that might materialize next month. I’ll find out more next week. There are also a bunch of opportunities that are going to people that — how to say this? — I’m just as good as, if not better than. That part has been kind of tough.

There are people I know that are in the position to offer jobs and also know that I really want/need one, but for whatever reason are looking elsewhere. That’s been disappointing and has totally made me reevaluate how I look at people. These days, there are a lot fewer people in my friends column and a helluva lot more in my people-I-know column. Part of it is just stupidity — for too long I thought people that I had fun with were my friends. Part of it is seeing what Noot’s friends would do for each other when they needed help. Having a tough time and seeing who’s there for me and/or who’s willing to help me…it just made me realize how casually and carelessly I’ve used the term “friend.”

And it’s not just about finding me a job or helping me find one. A couple of weeks ago, I went to dinner with a group of people. One of them bought me a book that he thought would help me understand Noot’s culture better. Never mind that I already have it. It was just a really nice and thoughtful thing to do. Just thinking about that gesture makes me happy and sometimes teary eyed. Knowing that I have people like that in my life helps me get through my frustrations with the job stuff and the loneliness that comes from being apart from Noot.

Eh, before I get all misty again, I’ll go back to the dark side of my frustrations. Hearing about the jobs people are getting has been hard. A lot of the people being hired are people that already have jobs. Maybe my years of experience has made me too expensive. Maybe my boat rocking (often for creativity’s sake or the sake of my staff) has made people think of me as a loose cannon. Maybe taking chances for new opportunities has made people think of me as a risky hire. Or maybe it’s all of the above and a lot more. There are days when I’m thinking, “Was I never good at any of this? Was I just lucky for several years and has my luck finally run out? What’s wrong with me?!?” There are other days when I’m thinking, “Thanks for considering me friend. Good job hiring that hack. I hope your f*cking project fails.”

Wow, I finally found something that’s made me bitter and jaded about gaming. Ha!

One thought on “Oops

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