It has been brought to my attention by more than a few people that I’m not good at making the “first move.” Some think it’s because I’m scared. Others think that it’s because I lack aggression. And there are several other theories and observations on the matter. While it’s nice that people are concerned and/or interested, they’re kind of wrong.
If it’s just something I’m doing for fun and/or I don’t have real feelings for the person, the first move comes pretty easily (especially when there’s drink involved). The problem that people see is when I genuinely care about someone and I’m wishing for something more than friendship.
I totally understand why people think I need to be more aggressive and that I’m fearful of initiating something. All appearances would indicate that that’s the case, but it’s (almost) totally not. Certainly there’s a small part of me that’s a bit scared because it can be a terrifying thing, but that’s not my deal. When I truly care for someone, I’m not looking at making a move or imposing my will or setting a trap or whatever. That’s not what I want.
I’m looking for this incredible moment…where two people make an amazing connection and everything clicks. I dream of getting so caught up in someone and having them get so caught up in me, that we can’t help but kiss. It all flows naturally and beautifully into a perfect occasion where two people…melt, I guess. Yeah, I can’t really describe it, but I know it can happen. I’ve experienced it once before and it was just so…heavenly. I want that moment again.
So yeah! This is why I might seem like a wuss when it comes to girls I’m really in to. Maybe I’ve seen one too many romantic comedies and maybe I’ve listened to one too many Journey songs, but I believe that these moments happen in real life. It’s not just some sappy thing that happens in movies or that people sing about. It’s real and I want it.