What an emotional week this has been�. Let’s break it down.
Goodbye — As I mentioned last post, this was my last week at work. The parting didn’t go as smoothly as I had planned. There are some things I could have done better and there were some things they could have done better. It’s a shame since I tried to be as accommodating as possible. I really wanted to keep writing for the guys and continue writing my column; I still have some great friends there that I want to help and I really enjoyed my column. Sadly, after taking care of some odds and ends, it looks like my services will not be required. There are definitely other places I can write for and lots of people have asked already, but that green site has a special place with me. The worst part of it was that Bryn and I had a nice exit plan in place. It would have benefited us both, short term and long term. It didn’t work out. And when things don’t work out the way I have them planned in my head, I kind of crumble.
Hello — Best Best and I filmed our pilot. It was such a fantastic experience. The crew is amazing and so much fun to work with. We’ve dubbed them “The Fantastic Four.” Geoff is the boss so he’s Mr. Fantastic. Brian is the biggest so he gets to be The Thing. Since Joel is the prettiest of the bunch we dubbed him The Invisible Woman. So by default, Tommy is The Human Torch. Most of the stuff was great considering the circumstance. Best Best was wonderful, I did okay, and the roundtable�well, that’s going to be a mess to edit but it was a good learning experience. Though it doesn’t convey much of our vision, I feel very positive about the pilot. Hopefully Yahoo! picks it up. Even if they don’t, I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything in the world. Six shoots over three days was a lot of work — and not the kind I’m used to — but doing it with an amazing crew and Best Best made it really fun and really cool.
Chats — Leaving my job and starting a new projects was quite the conversation piece. I was really excited to talk about the new stuff. Lots of old friends noticed how amped I was about everything and were really happy for me. Unfortunately the rumor mill was running rampant and I had (and still have) to do some damage control. Explaining to people over and over again that I was not fired became tiresome.
Me Stuff — Of course no Raymond week would be complete without some kind of emotional breakdown! Tee-hee. A person I love very much is really concerned about a choice I made�and I suppose she worries about me in general too. Things are just complicated when it comes to her. Plus I got into a little spat because I’ve been trying to prove that some men are islands. Speaking of which…
Island Living — I’ve been trying to be stronger and more independent the last few months. Sometimes it works. I’ve been making an effort to be a bit more distant and detached. I keep whining about the same problems to the same people. I’m tired of saying it so I imagine they’re tired of hearing it. I’m trying to change things. My plan was to start letting people in again after I’ve made significant progress. There are times when it’s really hard for me (remember, I’m brave not strong) and there are times when it’s okay. Best Best totally called me on it after I freaked out a bit. Bless her for putting up with me and helping me talk things through. At the same time, I still need to be able to stand on my own. I’m still at the point where I’d be a mess if she didn’t fix me. It’s like “Faithfully.” “Wondering where I am, lost without you.”
No Rest for the Stupid — So you’d think I’d have some down time now that I don’t have a job. Riiiiiight??? As Ivan Lendl so eloquently said in his Snapple commercial, “Not so.” Next week I have to fly up to Seattle for a business trip, write some “Hi I wasn’t fired. Here’s my new contact info.” emails, go to the doctor, go to the dentist, go to DMV, check out the footage we shot this week, track down more b-roll, make sure I’m still down for all the press conference, and get some work nailed down for E3. It’s nothing I can’t handle, I just need some time to clear my head and heart.
Fear Factor — So yeah. This is a really interesting time for me. The Yahoo! stuff has me jazzed. Another company has expressed interesting in having me produce some stuff. Maybe this is a start of an all-new, all-different part of my life. When self doubt creeps in I get a bit scared. I left a steady job and it looks like I won’t be able to freelance there. I can’t say for sure that I’ll get enough writing gigs to get by if the video stuff doesn’t work out. So there’s a chance that in a few months I’ll be struggling to pay rent, still be alone, and be without any career direction. Oh well, I have to believe in myself and believe in Cobra’s mantra: “No reward without risk.”
Oh yeah, McNamara told me some joke last week and it made me pull an oblique. It hurt so much that I thought my appendix was on the verge of bursting. Damn it Andy!