Desert Nights

This has been a most interesting trip. Saturday was particularly memorable. The crew and I spent ten hours at the same strip club. We got there at 4:00PM and closed the SOB at 2:00AM. The amazing part was that I was the sober and well-behaved one. Right about now you’re asking, “So how does one stay sober and well behaved for ten hours at the same strip club?” Good question!

The answer is that you try to ingratiate your crew to the management and the staff to get preferential treatment. I made it my role — though everyone definitely helped — to mix with the staff to make everyone’s time more enjoyable. We got away with so much that I was totally amused and didn’t need to be drunk or naughty.

Here are some of the things I/we engineered:
– Getting the cocktail waitress to change into stripper garb to dance on stage and give lap dances when there was only one “regular” girl working.
– Getting the manager to give us free pizza.
– Getting permission from the manager to order Chinese food and eat it at the club.
– Giving a girl a new name which she used for the entire night.
– Being such good patrons that management didn’t mind that one of our crew was passed out for two hours.

There were only two areas where I/we failed:
– The (female) bartender wouldn’t dress up and give lapdances for anything less than $50.
– The (male) DJ wouldn’t give the bachelor a lapdance for anything less than $100.

The starting five of Cali, Blanca, Kaela (Rachel), Courtney, and Alex was quite the hit with the boys. Faith is also the BEST WAITRESS EVER for dancing when nobody else was around.

Overall, the boys had a really great time. Don’t worry, I didn’t get married this time. I didn’t really like any of the girls too much, except one. Kaela (Rachel) was telling our crew stories of how she doesn’t climb the pole anymore because she kept hitting her head on the ceiling and banging her head on the floor because she’d misjudge the space. Her clumsiness was really endearing. Plus, Cali told me that Kaela (Rachel) was self conscious about her stretch marks and it made me want to give her a supportive hug. Don’t worry, I didn’t — I’m still pretty terrified of women, even the naked ones that are being really nice to you to get your money.

Plus, we invented a new word: strippering. I mean, you can say you’re stripping paint or stripping a car for parts or something. People strip before they go into the shower. Strippering is a very specific action that’s used by a very specific type of professional.

So yeah, aside from that I have a most interesting tan. At today’s baseball game, only the right side of my face getting sun. I look like Harvey Dent. In some ways it’s appropriate because it’s a physical representation of what I’m trying to become. It’s working pretty well so far. Let’s see if I can successfully make two seperate halves.

Hopefully my last day will be sunny. It would be nice to go home with an evenly tanned face.

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