Something has clicked … or something has snapped. I’m not sure yet — it’s too soon to tell. Right now I’m thinking it’s the former. Somewhere in my mostly antisocial (and alcohol free!) weekend of Farley’s / movie with Glenda, shopping / Farley’s with Kit, boxing with Petey, starting a new KOTOR2 game, lots of introspection, catching up on sleep, and reading The Watchmen for the eight-jillionth time, something happened.
Shields are up, walls have been built, and part of me is totally closed off. I suppose this is what happens when you think a lot and your H.E.B. friend sends you a new copy of a brilliant, thought provoking graphic novel (my old one is somewhere in New York). It’s like being as crazy as Kovacs and as calculated as Veidt at the same time. I feel much more in control, but fully admit I’m still wacky.
It takes a lot of concentration to maintain so I’m not sure how long I can keep it up, but it’ll be interesting to see. My maelstrom of madness / idiocy is now contained in a nice little jar I’ve constructed in my mind.
To speak in character for a bit I feel, “Not Raymond. Not Raymond at all.” Maybe this will be a good thing.