Unchained Melodic Weekend
My weekend in San Francisco didn’t turn out like I thought it would, but it was mostly fun. I originally planned the trip because I wanted to see Sandra…but then I didn’t think I’d get to see her…but then I did. So it was an interesting weekend of my favorite SF eats, karaoke, unexpected company, Farley’s (natch), and the continual breaking of my heart (okay, maybe that was a tad dramatic).
Friday I wanted to hang out with Sandra, but that didn’t happen. I ended up having dinner with Tammy at Arinel’s, my favorite pizza place in SF. It was nice catching up and hanging out at her place. After that I went to Farley’s to see Heidi. Rannie and Kristina caught up with me, and we soon left to catch up with James, Jennie, Jarik, Kyoko, Sonia, Sonia’s brother and Shiba-san (Drakengard). We went to Fluid, which was really cool save for the eight-dollar shots. I got drunk (surprise!) and people said Sonia’s brother tried to kiss me, though I don’t recall that at all. I think I was playing grab ass with Shiba, breaking down any language barrier that might have existed between us. Then we all went to Dragon Bar and I got even drunker. By some miracle of Zeus, I ended up back at my hotel. Though perhaps it was really a cab and not divine Greek intervention. I got sick and passed out.
Saturday I slept until 1:30, went to the gym, and hung out in the hot tub for a spell. By the time I was done, Ryan and Carlos were in town. I took them to Azteca, my favorite taqueria in SF. Then it was time for Rannie’s Karaoke Birthday Bash. Since I’m a giant goofball, karaoke is a favorite past time of mine. I think everyone had a good time and it made me happy to make Rannie happy. I wasn’t expecting Sandra to go, but she did. My heart totally skipped when she walked into the room and I really wasn’t sure how to act. After a while I stopped thinking about how I should be around her and said hello to Mr. Vodka. As karaoke time came to a close, I went out for a cigarette. Sandra marched up the stairs with all her stuff, but she didn’t know where she was going. So I offered to take care of her and we took a cab to my hotel. Thankfully Carlos hung on to my bag and shades.
[aside] Around a year ago I abruptly left to take care of a girl in Las Vegas. I was hanging with Justin, Kid, and Ara when Kitten drunk called me and said she wanted to see me. With 20 dollars in the video-poker machine and my gym bag on the ground, I just stormed out on the boys to take care of Kitten. Justin was rather irked, but was nice enough to hold on to my gear. I guess the point is that I get a similar feeling when I’m around Sandra–I know she can take care of herself, but I want nothing more than to please her. [/aside]
Anyway, I tried to make sure Sandra was comfortable. After tucking her in I made like eight drunk calls. (I really need to lock my phone with a code I can’t possibly remember when I’m inebriated.) I woke up and got her some juice and pastries for breakfast. Then we just vegged in bed and watched TV (portions of Maid in Manhattan, The Devil’s Advocate, bowling, speed skating, and billiards). We had a late lunch at Max’s–my favorite SF diner–and parted ways. I caught up with Ryan, Carlos, and Ricky at Farley’s before flying home.
By design, I’ve cleverly recapped my weekend in a spectacularly uninteresting way, hoping that you wouldn’t make it this far down the entry–the point where I talk about all the stuff swimming in my head. If you’ve made it this far, then I commend you for your patience…or laugh at how bored you must be to still be reading.
So I got to do what I wanted to do after all. I find her company so intoxicating, and it doesn’t matter what we’re doing. I’m perfectly happy taking care of her, listening to her voice, playing around with her, watching her eat (and wow can she eat!), learning about her siblings, hearing her random thoughts, sharing a smoke with her, trying to stare at her face in a way that she won’t notice–it really doesn’t matter. I’m just incredibly fond of her company. And I’m truly happy I got to spend time with her. That’s all I wanted.
And yes, I can hear what some of the Raymond theorists are saying right about now, but it’s not true. I am not falling for her more because she has a boyfriend again. She just steals a little more of my heart every second I’m with her. And yes, I’m conflicted because I want so much to tell her how I feel, but I also want to respect her relationship. She seems happy and that’s all I wish for her…well that and I wish she understood what a beautiful being she is.
So I guess the weekend was very happy/sad (Pizzicato 5). I had fun and I got to spend time with Sandra, though I am sad that I can’t be be what she wants or needs. To the people that worry about me: don’t. I’m used to things working out this way and it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ll deal.