For most of the weekend I was in a pretty dour mood. I really didn’t want to do much, so I cooked a lot (not necessarily eating what I cooked) and went to the gym a lot. The good news is that my body is ready for two-a-day workouts, which is likely to be a regular thing in the distant future since I’m covering CES with Justin. The bad news is that I’m slipping into that dark place where I don’t feel good about anything and don’t really want to be around anybody (except you Steve…naturally). It’s just a combination of girl stuff, second guessing career moves, being bummed Raina didn’t have time to see me when she was out west, missing my family, missing friends in SF/NY/MN, the unusually cold weather, and girl stuff.
It didn’t help that I saw two indie flicks over the weekend.
On Friday, Steve, Ryan, Matt, and I saw The Cooler. It’s a really somber Vegas movie that totally romanticized — for me anyway — the idea of giving up all my dreams and wasting away in Vegas (yes, I know that wasn’t the point of the movie but that’s what I came away with). I probably enjoyed it the most out of the four of us since I’ve spent so much time in Vegas. I dunno…I love being a dreamer, but sometimes it’s really hard.
Sunday night the four of us caught the last showing of Lost in Translation. It’s my second time seeing it, but this time around I wasn’t in the proper mindset. I empathized (aided by my vivid imagination) with Bill Murray’s character way too much. Lately, I have felt kind of pointless and have questioned if anything in my life is going right. Unlike the movie, I find the possibility of making a true and deep connection with a woman an impossibility (even if I do flee to Japan in February).
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it seems like I’m looking for ways to be sad and using these movies to deepen whatever rut I’m in. I can’t help it.
Luckily, I caught up with Jennie after the movie. It was great being there for her when she needed someone to talk to. I really didn’t intend to get into what’s going on in my head, but there’s a part of it she’d understand more than anyone else I know. It was tremendous to be able to share those feelings with someone that knew the person involved. She knows, even better than I do, how wonderful this girl is.
So while I’m still decidedly lugubrious, Jennie helped shine a little light into my bitter barn. Thanks for that. It might have gotten really ugly if you didn’t call when you did.