Reflection Yes, I stole the title of this entry…


Yes, I stole the title of this entry from that Christina Aguilera song.

Another year is ending and I can’t help being contemplative. Let’s break it down.

Professionally: Despite any irritants (one actually) at work, I’ve definitely progressed my career. Not so much with my writing, which has been worse since I’ve stopped writing in different styles for a variety of audiences, but overall I think I’m in a better place than I was a year ago. Plus there’s that March windfall that will have an interesting impact in my life.

Physically: Eh. Most of the year was good, with lots of gym time, some boxing, tennis, and volleyball, but I’ve probably gained back 1/3 of the weight I lost. The end of the year sucked. Too much work and travelling = not working out nearly enough. Plus I really hit the bottle the last few months. Thankfully I’ve been working out more the last two weeks. And next week I’ll be with Justin, which likely means two-a-day workouts.

Personally: It took a long time, but Irvine finally became something of a home. I still only have one friend here outside of work, but I’ve really enjoyed hanging with my coworkers. On the down side, I don’t have a female to serve as my psychiatrist. Tonight I really needed one of my shrinks, but Kate’s apartment is being flooded with sewage, Raina’s catching up with friends and family in LA, Rannie’s in Korea, and Kitten’s building a house. Like countless nights this year, thank God Steve’s around or I would’ve gone insane a long time ago.

Romantically: I guess the big thing was ending that impossible relationship I was in for far too long. I only had one date this year and it was just for practice. I did lots of my stupid little Raymond things that everyone finds extremely cute, save for the recipient of said affection (drink your chai Alison!). The end of the year has me a bit…. (writer can’t find the proper word) I met a really incredible person and my heart truly believes that we can have something special, but my pessimistic brain tells me otherwise. It’s likely that I’ll follow my heart (why stop now?), but doing so has always left it (and me) a little more broken.

Creatively: Okay, this part absolutely sucks. I think I wrote two songs this year. I’ve picked my (actually Tony’s) guitar up three times. I think I need a new guitar; playing with someone else’s guitar is like swimming in someone else’s trunks. I wrote a lot of stupid haikus, mostly to entertain other people. I really haven’t done or made anything tangible to express myself this year.

Tomorrow should be fun. Carlos and Matt are having a party. Last time I was good and didn’t end up in the ocean. It should be groovin’. I definitely owe Steve, Ryan, Carlos, Matt, and Thor some champagne for being the U.N. Security Council of my heart. There’s a slight chance I might end up in San Francisco. I guess it depends how I feel later and if I receive any signs.

I guess I should close things out with a quote form Xtina’s song since I ripped off the title.

“But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am.”

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