For most of December, I really haven’t had anything to write about. Life has been blah, work has been blah, and my love life has been…kind of sad actually. I guess I was saving all my emotional energy for this week. So much has happened and will happen. It’s been exciting, but a little draining.
Last week The Girl didn’t come to my company party with me. She didn’t even call to say she couldn’t or didn’t want to make it. It really sucked. I was/am so disappointed in her. I ended up not going and miserably worked at home on a Saturday. Yes, I’m a winner.
Thankfully, I had a brief excursion to San Francisco. The Kid and I continued to work on our super-secret plan (the big pitch is this Friday) and I got to see Heidi and Tobie. I got a peck on the cheek from Tobie that sent my giggle factor to 11. Sadly, that’s been my romantic highlight of Q4. Even sadder is that there was nothing romantic about it on her end. Yes, I’m a loser.
We finally talked on Monday and I told her how I felt, albeit in a rather feeble manner. It’s hard because I really do love her and I want to tell her how much she hurts me, but I don’t want to make hurt her by doing so. Anyway, I was ready to just leave it all behind and not expect anything from her ever again, but she wants to try to make things right. She knows she’s been taking me for granted and hasn’t been treating me the way I deserve. Since the talk, she’s called and emailed every day. I’m not sure. I don’t want to make her talk to me out of guilt and I don’t want to burden her when she has so much going on. And right now I feel like her phone calls and emails are forced. Raina and Rannie think I’m behaving like an abused woman that keeps giving the abuser another chance.
An interesting byproduct of my talk with The Girl is that I was so emotional about the whole thing that I wrote a song. I haven’t written music in years. I was never very good at it, but it’s a great outlet for whatever I’m feeling. It’s called “You Break My Heart” and it’s the first indie-pop style song I’ve ever written. It’s all happy and jangly, but the lyrics are very bitter. If I ever want to perform it, I’ll have the change the key since I wrote with Nicole’s (from Charming) voice in mind.
Anyway, I should get back to working on the super-secret stuff. With any luck, my life will dramatically change on Friday.