Courtship and Philosophy
So I was in San Francisco yesterday (again). I purposely took the latest flight possible so I could stop by and see Tobie. My intention was to ask her out to dinner, since I�ll be in town again next week. This was probably the most frightened I�ve been all year. I got there, hugged her hello, and ordered a latte. Nerves promptly kicked in, so I went outside, smoked ten cigarettes, and made several phone calls seeking encouragement.
An hour later she comes out for her break and sits with me. We start chatting, and I get the nerve to ask her�then Heidi came. Now, Heidi is a very cool girl, but she totally crushed any progress I made fighting back my doubts. So the three of us are hanging outside for a bit. Finally, my cab to the airport arrived. I put my stuff in the trunk and said to myself, �Self, the reason why you came to the coffeehouse was to see if this wonderful girl would go out with you next week.� So I asked her to dinner�and she said yes!
Now, I don�t have any expectations, other than going out with a really cool, really hot girl next week. I don�t know if either of us will have fun or if it will lead to something more. But I�m happy that I�m going to get to find out. Rejection is probably my biggest fear, but Tobie is really special and I haven�t met anyone that I�ve been so jazzed about getting to know in a really long time. So I�m super psyched that my attraction to her overcame my fear of rejection.
In a way, it�s a little sad that simply asking a girl out to dinner is such a big deal for me. Certainly I�ve had dalliances over the last few years, but those just sort of happened. It was never me meeting a girl, asking her out, and it leading to something more. I�m not resting all my hopes and dreams on this �date,� but I�m hopeful that we can be a bigger part of each other�s lives.
Work ended interestingly today. Four of us sat outside, smoking on the patio when we started to randomly philosophize — a bunch of young men naively postulating about life. Asking how much we can truly change the world. Asking how significant our roles in it really are. It was far more detailed than that, but that was gist of it.
One of the boys felt that he wasn�t living up to his potential unless he could make a significant change to the world. Another thought that our actions are insignificant and don�t truly matter. I guess I was somewhere in between. Someone once said, �I can�t change the world, but I can change my world and perhaps the world of a few others. And that�s fine.� I honestly believe that sharing my thoughts and experiences with others and having them benefit from them is one of the best things I can do.
The quote, by the way, is from Boris Becker. Who knew that some tennis player would provide me with one of my strongest beliefs.