�The idea of her� or �Reverse psychology�
I went to another Fairways (see 7/14 and 7/29) concert. Jen looked quite beautiful. Again, I didn�t talk to her. I don�t want to talk about it anymore�
�but I will. I�m beginning to think that my inability to talk to Jen isn�t pure cowardice. I like the idea I have of Jen. In my mind she�s this smart and quirky girl that plays bass and has an amazingly enchanting smile. She�s perfect like that. And I�m perfectly content going to her shows and being addicted to her smile.
I�m not denying I have problems talking to the girls I�m attracted to, because that�s painfully obvious. It�s just–on the rare occasion–when I do talk to them, I lose interest and/or get bored. A few weeks ago I saw one of the girls I had big crush on and we talked a lot that day. All of the sudden I didn�t have a crush on her anymore. It wasn�t because she was any less interesting or intelligent or pretty. She lost her appeal because I knew I was comfortable talking to her.
So in my idiotic mind I�ll remain attracted to a girl until I realize I�m comfortable around her. The reverse is also true. I�ll be perfectly fine around a girl until it hits me that I�m into her. When I first met Julie I was totally able to be myself around her. Then I realized that I thought she was sexy, and couldn�t speak to her the next few times I saw her (unless I was drunk).
So the two points I�m trying to make are:
1) I don�t want to talk to Jen because it might ruin the wonderful idea I have of her.
B) I�m a fucking moron.
Ah whatever, my crushes are only devices I use to avoid important issues.
Read my Civ III preview and keep clicking on it to give me lots of traffic.